Fat Bob Tries to Lose Weight

Cheated a couple times this past week. But I am at 258 still. Maybe less now. Hopefully. I am closer to getting out. Starting over but getting out. I cannot wait. Now I have this wish; this hope; this dream. It's a low-lit bar. Not a meat market but an actual cocktail bar where people are there to enjoy the drink. There she is, across the room, also alone. I ask the bartender to give her a drink. We talk. We start over. That'd be great.

258. It’s ok. I think macadamias are the culprit of my slowed weight loss. But it’s good. I feel better. No heartburn. But I have an ear infection and have to leave work to go get it looked at.

...when I put on shorts for the 1st time this year and was disheartened when they were tight. Only to realize later it was the size lower than normal. Tight, but they fit. :)

No change in weight. Weird. I feel like I am losing. But I'll keep going. 260. ewww.

I'm not hungry almost ever. My heartburn has almost totally gone away. And After my weigh-in tomorrow, I hope to be into the 250s!

So....I am a stress eater. I've known this. So when shit gets stupid at work and I am stink-eyed for actually being fair and correct, it's time to overeat! Just kidding. Fuck that. I am looking for a new job. And Low Carb continues and I feel fine.

Quick update. I feel lighter today. Maybe it's the weather. Or that I am thinking about a vacation to Europe next year. Who knows? Maybe both?

I cannot believe it's been 4 days. Well, my second week weigh in was 260. 8 lbs total. As long as it's going down, I am motivated and I want to keep it going! I need this for my health and for my self esteem. I bought macadamias. If I ration them carefully, I think I can manage them.

I forgot to write yesterday. It's ok I guess. I went to Chilis with my mom for dinner and had a handful of tortilla chips with lots of guac. I don't know if it was super carb friendly but I suppose I'll see in a couple days when I weigh myself. I've had a super dry mouth all week. Except for a bit today.

Yes, I  missed a day. I don;t have a good reason. I forgot. So the one week weigh-in is 263. 5lbs down. I know I am in ketosis because of the dry mouth. Plus, my urine STINKS. And I had a dream last night of a conflicting situation where I could eat NOT low carb stuff or go hungry. I went hungry. So: win! More tomorrow I hope.

Day 7. Had a long time between meals. I didn't like it, but I was busy doing music and loved it. I am glad to be jamming with Lou again and hope it continues. Meeting a friend for coffee now. Hope it goes well. I am so close to "the big change" and I am just waiting for the right time to do it. If there even is a right time. There isn't. But I have to do it and do it soon. Because it's already done in my head.

The thing I remember about this lifestyle is I had crazy dreams. Like, really crazy. I had one last night. About a girl.  The one that got away. I had a chance to talk to her and I told her everything I wanted to say. To no response. I also lost a friend because I wouldn't pick him up and drive him to a music store. Friend is hard to say. More like acquaintance. Someone I don't really have any contact with anymore.  Anyway. Here I am. Bacon is in the near future. Why is bacon so delicious?

It's getting easier. The urine strips say I am between moderate and small amounts of keytones. So, it's happening. And I am not hungry. So I'll do a weigh in Monday morning and see where I am at!

Alfredo sauce is what I was missing. I can have almost as much of it as I want. but I don't need a lot. I think that is it today. I don't feel like writing.

Why is it so hard to just go for a walk?? I think I am battling some serious mild depression. All I want to do is sleep - even after I've slept for 8 hours! Day 2. Almost done. Took the little guy for a walk and that was what was so difficult. Part if it is the whole future of my relationship thing. It might be over. It most likely is. And it's sad because we get along. But this isn't about that. This is about me not wanting to be a fat fuck anymore. So here I am. Day 2. Could have eaten more protein but I'm doing okay.

268. Naked weight. Here I go. Low carb diet. "Atkins" if you want to call it that. I call it learning how to eat again. I did this once before. Very successfully. But it was very different with my being in Germany where I was way way way way more active. And this is, as I said before, very hard to write about because I feel like I am a failure. And who wants to feel like a failure? So here I go. My first impressions? Again: I've done this before but not like this. Not blogging about it where someone might see it. But the eating part is easy. The craving part is not. Not at least for the first few days where you have to get used to the way you are eating. Eggs and sausage and cheese are all great. I'm gonna have a taco meat salad later. See? It's not hard. Just disciplined. You don't suffer. Not at all. But there are a lot of things you have to watch out for. Carbs are EVERYWHERE. Sugar in the Standard American Diet (S.A.D.) is everywhere. And P...

This is going to be a difficult blog. It's going to be as honest as I can bring myself to be. I'm fat. Like, FAT. Like, I have been for a long time and I've spent probably 4 or 5 years trying to be "ok" with it. Justifying it. Making excuses for it. But it's time to come clean with myself. With everyone around me. I'm fat. I need to lose 75 pounds. At least.